I haven’t written in a little while. The truth is, I wasn’t sure what it was that I wanted to write about. So I gave myself some space to reflect. And perhaps I needed that time and space so that I could write this.
Today, it is two years since my beautiful sister passed away. It was this time, last year, that I started to write about her, and my sense of indescribable grief. It created the space for me to be open to my sorrow, to the pain and fragility of my grief. Every time I read it, I can hear all that I said in between those words, in between the silences. No one is ever prepared for grief.
I never intended to share my first piece of writing. It was purely a need, deep within, for me to put pen to paper. I simply needed to say things to feel closer to her. But as I started to share that piece, I started to see how it provided the space and comfort for others to open their hearts and share their grief with me. Everyone has a story. There just isn’t a space for us to hear them.
I’ve been looking over my writing, my notes and my thoughts since last year, and I can see a shift, an understanding, of just how truly magical life can be, if we just let it. The ones we love never leave our side. I feel your happiness, your sunshine and your love. I see your beautiful smile and I hear your laugh. Paulo Coelho defined magic as a bridge that allows us to cross from the visible world to the invisible world. What we shared will never be broken. You are alive in everything that I do.
I will never forget something that a beautiful friend told me during the year – we are blessed and we need to be grateful, and even when sadness prevails, there is magic. I am learning to accept my sadness while at the same time learning that I am not my sadness.
My grief will always be evolving as I find the time and space within myself to continue to heal and to also live. I’m also learning to see more clearly through the eyes of the soul, maybe a bit like Rainer Maria Milke:
I am learning to see. I don’t know why it is, but everything penetrates more deeply into me and does not stop at the place where until now it always rises to end. I have an inner self of which I was ignorant. Everything goes there now. I do not know what happens there.
I will continue to be patient with myself, and to be kind to my journey. I will continue to explore my inner self so that I can create space for me, and for you. As C.S. Lewis said, ‘courage, dear heart’.