There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Life stops. And starts again. There is before. And there is after. And you are not the same person. How can you be? The fragility of life changes you in an instant. Everything you knew, every path you thought you were on, is no more. Gone. Just like that.
People want you to say that you are ok, that as time goes on, you are doing better. But I want to find the field where I can be free with my grief. Where I can listen to my own reality as it changes each day, acknowledge my pain, love and loss, and allow the truth of these things to exist without judgment. I just want there to be room for things to fall apart.
Pema Chodron talks about things falling apart as a kind of testing and also a kind of healing:
We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.
In my field, I fall apart to be real, to be imperfect, to feel. Without any noise, I try to listen to my inner voice, to my heart, and trust that it is always seeking a path of goodness and peace for me.
Because at the end of the day, aren’t we just trying to be best versions of ourselves? Paul Coelho writes that 'when we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too’. And isn't that enough?